A Harsh Truth about Human Beings:
You Cannot Change People.
No matter how hard you try to convince or persuade others, you cannot force change.
It must come from within.
They must make the change, but you cannot do it for them.
My brother is 7 years older than me.
And when I was in 6th grade, he was entering college.
Big Difference.
As a result, we aren’t very close.
Or rather, weren’t very close.
As we grow older and learn more about life and all that, we get closer and share more about ourselves.
But recently, he’s been in kind of a rut.
Not enjoying his job.
Struggling to get to the gym.
And an overall lack of motivation.
Because of all that, he’s kinda going through a bout of Nihilism.
A sort of “Fuck-the-world-it’s-all-bullshit-i-hate-everything” mentality.
I’ve been through a few Nihilism phases.
They suck.
They’re necessary, but they suck.
The world loses colors for a few months and every day is dragged out in existential dread.
Fuck that.
Anyway, my brother and I got coffee yesterday.
As caffeine flowed through our veins and the Christmas music of the cafe drones in our ears, I sat quietly and listened.
Just listened.
And asked questions.
No judgements or anger or malice.
Pure, open, authentic listening.
And I got the idea.
The idea that he’s pretty damn upset.
Upset at his circumstances.
Upset at the world.
Upset at himself.
And he said something along the lines of “Oh well no one’s really happy, and those who are happy are just ignorant” blah blah blah.
Keep this in mind:
When someone makes a generalization, it’s hyper-specific.
It signals how their mind works.
My brother thought that everyone has to be unhappy and filled with existential dread OR they’re idiots.
But instead of attacking and calling him out, I listened.
He asked me questions.
Questions like:
“Why are you so curious?”
“How do you stay motivated to do the things you do?”
“How can you smile at the world and be seemingly happy?”
And I answered.
Answered truthfully and authentically.
That not every day is peachy and perfect.
And it’s hard to be happy.
But it’s a choice.
Happiness is a choice that we can all make.
That struck a chord.
Those words resonated deep in his heart.
He took a deep breath, exhaled, and sipped his coffee.
And since then, he’s been thinking about that, digesting the fact that you can live life without angst and be happy without ignorance.
This brings us back to the beginning Truth.
You Cannot Change People.
You can only show them the door.
I showed my brother the door,
but I didn’t open it for him.
He has to take his hand, turn the knob, and step through.
And that’s his choice to make.
Do not yell and tell and attempt to persuade someone.
Simply show them the Truth, be authentic, and let them make the choice.
Thank you.
Memento Mori.
Stay Curious :)
Comments